Recently, a friend of mine wrote a piece on this. That kept my head rolling on this question, what is love….or rather, what love is not! I am not going to act all enlightened and talk about love in general terms. I am talking about love in the specific term, between a man and a woman.I tried; I tried to write and to think about more qualified, more serious topics. But this is one topic that has always dominated my mind. So I give up pretending to be all matured and sorted and sit to pen down, or rather key in, my thoughts on this topic.Don’t be over hopeful, I am not going to give any answers here because as I mentioned before, I am not sorted with this either. But there would be questions, tons of them. And maybe someone would have an answer. And if not anything else, you can atleast feel that you are not the only one bewildered, out there, I am with you.A friend of mine once asked the priest in his church what he thought love was, and the father resolutely answered – It is a decision you make. Very convinced with this definition, this friend came to me to influence me with his newly found knowledge. Initially, I kind of agreed, with the hope that atleast the puzzle is solved. If I believe it’s a decision I have made, maybe I will understand the concept of love better. But over the next 20 minutes, I had a dozen questions for him. What scared me was, does he understand something that I don’t? After talking to him for five minutes, I realized he was convincing himself that the definition was true only so that he would have something to believing in. In the case above, if love was just a decision we made, we should be able to change our decision at any moment. Right? That was my argument. If it was ones decision why should there be any hurt, any helplessness or any uncontrolled behavior?Another of my observations is that, love can be very easily confused with obsessiveness. But then, obsessiveness can also be termed as one of the characteristics of love. Isn’t it? I know possessiveness is. I loathe the term though. It is very destructive - possessiveness. Talking of obsessiveness, there is a brilliant idiom I would like to introduce you to –‘Zahir’. For those who have not read Paulo Coelho’s, he describes ‘Zahir’ as something, which, gradually occupies your mind until you can think of nothing else, thus making the whole concept of obsession so fascinating.I am not an expert on relationships or on love. I wouldn’t describe any of my relationships to be perfect either or atleast they haven’t been ideally the way I imagined they would be or the way I was led to believe they should be, when I was growing up. Relationships are just so complicated today and I personally feel, just not worth the effort. Don’t get me wrong, am not being smug about it. I just decide to give up trying. When we say love, what do we really look for? Someone you can share your life with, someone to hold your hand when you walk down the beach, someone who will understand you and someone who will be attentive to you (atleast in my case, coz I can be a real attention seeker), and above all, someone who is all yours. Now, that’s not being demanding, is it? But wait, there is something more, you don’t want this from anybody who comes your way it is only the privileged few. So, all in all, I fail to understand and help you understand ‘love’But, until it lasts, love is the most incredible emotion that a human brain/heart has ever been capable of creating. It makes you look at life the way it was meant to be treated, positive and encouraging. You actually start to notice the smaller things in life like the birds in the sky, the varied colors of the flowers and the stars and the moon. Only if we hadn’t populated the love dictionary with words like – heartbreak, ego clashes, misunderstandings and betrayals.Actually love would have been the best thing that can happen to you if you have the skill to get over it as soon as it is ‘over’.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
What is love….or rather what love is not!
Recently, a friend of mine wrote a piece on this. That kept my head rolling on this question, what is love….or rather, what love is not! I am not going to act all enlightened and talk about love in general terms. I am talking about love in the specific term, between a man and a woman.I tried; I tried to write and to think about more qualified, more serious topics. But this is one topic that has always dominated my mind. So I give up pretending to be all matured and sorted and sit to pen down, or rather key in, my thoughts on this topic.Don’t be over hopeful, I am not going to give any answers here because as I mentioned before, I am not sorted with this either. But there would be questions, tons of them. And maybe someone would have an answer. And if not anything else, you can atleast feel that you are not the only one bewildered, out there, I am with you.A friend of mine once asked the priest in his church what he thought love was, and the father resolutely answered – It is a decision you make. Very convinced with this definition, this friend came to me to influence me with his newly found knowledge. Initially, I kind of agreed, with the hope that atleast the puzzle is solved. If I believe it’s a decision I have made, maybe I will understand the concept of love better. But over the next 20 minutes, I had a dozen questions for him. What scared me was, does he understand something that I don’t? After talking to him for five minutes, I realized he was convincing himself that the definition was true only so that he would have something to believing in. In the case above, if love was just a decision we made, we should be able to change our decision at any moment. Right? That was my argument. If it was ones decision why should there be any hurt, any helplessness or any uncontrolled behavior?Another of my observations is that, love can be very easily confused with obsessiveness. But then, obsessiveness can also be termed as one of the characteristics of love. Isn’t it? I know possessiveness is. I loathe the term though. It is very destructive - possessiveness. Talking of obsessiveness, there is a brilliant idiom I would like to introduce you to –‘Zahir’. For those who have not read Paulo Coelho’s, he describes ‘Zahir’ as something, which, gradually occupies your mind until you can think of nothing else, thus making the whole concept of obsession so fascinating.I am not an expert on relationships or on love. I wouldn’t describe any of my relationships to be perfect either or atleast they haven’t been ideally the way I imagined they would be or the way I was led to believe they should be, when I was growing up. Relationships are just so complicated today and I personally feel, just not worth the effort. Don’t get me wrong, am not being smug about it. I just decide to give up trying. When we say love, what do we really look for? Someone you can share your life with, someone to hold your hand when you walk down the beach, someone who will understand you and someone who will be attentive to you (atleast in my case, coz I can be a real attention seeker), and above all, someone who is all yours. Now, that’s not being demanding, is it? But wait, there is something more, you don’t want this from anybody who comes your way it is only the privileged few. So, all in all, I fail to understand and help you understand ‘love’But, until it lasts, love is the most incredible emotion that a human brain/heart has ever been capable of creating. It makes you look at life the way it was meant to be treated, positive and encouraging. You actually start to notice the smaller things in life like the birds in the sky, the varied colors of the flowers and the stars and the moon. Only if we hadn’t populated the love dictionary with words like – heartbreak, ego clashes, misunderstandings and betrayals.Actually love would have been the best thing that can happen to you if you have the skill to get over it as soon as it is ‘over’.
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